Carrots, Sticks, Persuasions, and Manipulations

As a salesperson and marketer, much of my job involves moving others to action.  In short, I'm paid to get people to say, "yes" to my requests.  You probably do too, at least in some way.  If you're an HR director, you might say or do things in order to get that promising new recruit to join your company.  If you're a line supervisor, there's probably been a few times you've asked people to stay late or work harder.  If you're sitting across the table from me as a buyer, you are probably remunerated if you can get me to say, "yes" to your request for a lower price for my company's services.  If you're a stay-at-home parent, getting your 2-year-old to start using the toilet might eliminate the cost of diaper bills.

Getting others to say, "yes" to your personal requests is called persuasion.  There are proven psychological principles associated with persuasion.  These include:

• Reciprocity:  People to whom you give a gift, feel inclined to give you one back.
• Scarcity:  People want what you offer when they think there is not enough to go around.
• Authority:  People will respond to you if they believe you are a knowledgeable, credible expert.
• Consistency:  People want to be consistent in their behavior, so small actions lead to larger ones.
• Liking:  People say, "yes" more often to people they like than to those they don't.
• Consensus:  People look to the behavior of others to determine their own behavior.

Here's a great video that explains these principles (12 min:)  The Science of Persuasion

In his book, Start with Why  Simon Sinek describes what he calls "manipulations" used by companies to get people to buy their products and services:

• Price: Companies lower their prices to get people to buy.
• Promotions: Companies offer deals and incentives.
• Fear: Companies create or exacerbate fear and uncertainty to move people to action.
• Aspirations:  Companies offer things people desire to become.
• Peer Pressure - "4 out of 5 dentists recommend …"
• Novelty (Innovation):  New equals better.

I've experienced persuasions and manipulations from organizations and individuals.  Perhaps you have, too.  Some of these have been carefully planned and crafted to alter my behavior, but most have been far less intentional.  Persuasion (and a little manipulation) happens as a natural part of human interaction.  For me, that's mostly OK - it's not a relational deal-breaker by any means.  I would rather live in a society that utilizes persuasion and manipulation as a social control mechanism than one that relies on coercion.  (That is, in a "the carrot or the stick" scenario, I prefer the carrot.)

I want positive change in my life and often that requires some form of help from others.  But when I look back at the times I've been persuaded, manipulated, or even coerced, the results have been short-lived.  I revert back to my old tendencies once I've figured out that a tactic has been used.  For me, if you want me to do something that changes my behavior for good, that gets me "All-In," that makes me your loyal advocate, you'll need to inspire me.

The Beauty of Distance

Some things are better kept at a distance.  When I look at the moon and the stars from my back porch, I stand mesmerized by their beauty.  The moon is over 230,000 miles away, and the nearest star almost 4.24 light-years.  From my back yard, these glowing orbs are the magnificent creations of God, but if by some magical means I could be teleported to their surfaces, I would be instantaneaously obliterated by their climes.  Some things that are beautiful from a distance are deadly up close.  Ask Icarus.

Other things are far less obvious, and much less extreme.  Here's the famous painting, Arnolfini and his Bride by Renaissance painter Jan van Eyck:

From a distance, (6 feet) I would consider this paining "not too shabby." But when I view this painting from 6 inches away, I am captivated.  When I get closer, I notice more and more depth, precision, craftsmanship, detail, thoughtfulness.  Just look at the little mirror in the background!:

Here's another beautiful and famous painting, Impression, soleil levan, by the French impressionist Claude Monet: 

But when I look at it closely, when I stand inches away, there just doesn't seem to be very much to it; there's just not that much there:

In fact, if you were to show me only this portion of the painting, I would say, "Oh, yeah … I've got one of those … on my refrigerator.  My kid made it in 2nd grade art class."

Have you ever experienced this in your relationships?  Are there people in your life who, when you get to know them up close and personal, just seem less beautiful than they did when you viewed them from afar?

I ask that you not hear a judgement in those questions.  I realize that it is my proclivity to be judgmental of others especially when I finally get close enough to them to be within what CS Lewis might call their "inner ring."  That can sometimes manifest in the following statements:

"She's so shallow."
"He's not very deep."
"He's full of himself."
"Narcissist."
"They are not truly spirit-led."

As much as I would like to say that I am good judge of fine art, I am not.  And as much as I would like to think I am a good judge of character or of another's motives, I am not.  In fact, I am incapable of judging another's heart.  This is an area that is reserved for God alone.

Beauty is God's reflection regardless of the composition of the mirror.

So then perhaps it is best that I place myself at the relational distance where I can enjoy the maximum amount of God's beauty others reflect.  For some, that will mean standing light-years away in awe.  For others, it will mean walking right next to them, hand-in-hand for eternity.

Loyalty or "Coming Down from the Mile High High"

Since watching the devastation of the Denver Broncos at the hands of the Seattle Seahawks during this year's Super Bowl, I've been thinking about of the concept of loyalty.  There were many disappointed Peyton Manning fans as well as  Denver Broncos fans who felt let down.  I'm sure some of them will be fans no longer.  The humiliation of the slaughter was just too great for them to allow themselves to fall victim to the charm of Manning's arm or the high of Mile High Stadium ever again.  But my guess is that Bronco turncoats are few, and that the vast majority of Peyton and Denver fans will remain steadfast and true.  That is, they remain loyal to their team and its leader.

Loyalty is one of the more interesting traits of the human psyche.  Most consider loyalty a virtue, but a virtue with moral limits.  I look back to those to whom I have given my loyalty:  my God, my family, my country, my church, my friends, my leaders, my school, my teams.  Curiously, my loyalty is most often extended to those who are aligned with my belief set or my experiences. As such, my loyalty is very personal in nature.  For instance, I am loyal to the God referred to in the Bible as Yahweh, not Baal;  my family, maybe not yours;  the United States, not Iraq; the friends I know, and not necessarily your friends, etc.

Most leaders desire the loyalty of their followers and with good cause.  It can be argued that the more loyal your people, the greater the mark of your leadership, and also, the more they are willing to give for you and for your cause.  For that reason, loyalty might be considered a leadership Super Bowl Championship Ring.  Here are some things I've learned about leadership and loyalty:

• Loyalty cannot be mandated.
• Loyalty cannot be purchased.
• Loyalty is best earned steadily and gradually over time.
• Loyalty is not easily transferred. 
• Loyalty is decreased at a faster rate than it is increased.
• The existence of loyalty cannot be proven or measured unless it is tested by adversity. 
• Your loyalty is a personal gift that can only be given by you.
• When people support you or your organization out of their loyalty alone, their loyalty at that time is diminishing.

I would suggest that loyalty of people is one of the greatest assets a leader or an organization can possess, a precious resource that must be stewarded with the greatest care. To witness the loyalty of others can in full display can not only be rewarding but also intoxicating.  Because of this, summoning the loyalty of others has the potential for abuse.  Leaders and their organizations sometime forget that loyalty is a by-product of great leadership, not the goal of great leadership.