Winners, Losers, and Quitters

My wife tells me that I should have been a lawyer; not because I have a deep longing for justice or because I feel ennobled by participating in the legal process; it's simply because I like to win arguments.  It's true. I like to argue. But mostly, I like to win. 

I don't think I'm alone. Our culture is winning addicted. We love winners. We pay winners big money.  We say things like, "Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing." Or as Ricky Bobby would say, "If you ain't first, you're last." I live close to South Bend, Indiana, home of The University of Notre Dame.  If the Fightin' Irish are losing, there's a stench in the air so strong you can taste it.  If they're winning, everyone walks around here with perma-grin.

In most sports, there can be only one winner. My friend, who was a fierce competitor in sales contests, would laugh at me and say, "Butch, second place is first loser," and then he'd go off on some fabulous trip to the Bahamas while I looked for a place on my counter to put my second-prize toaster oven.

The Olympics are a little different, having three tiers of winners, I've heard it said that Olympic Silver Medalists are the most disappointed because they've come so close to the Gold.  Bronze medalists realize that they probably couldn't have won, so they are grateful for any medal at all, grateful to be recognized.  Only a Silver?  Only second-best in the world?  For shame.

As bad as it is to be a loser, our culture still seems to stand next to them.  We are taught to shake hands  with the losing team and to win gracefully.  We so often pick the fallen off the ground, I think it's in our DNA to show empathy toward losers.  Communities of chimpanzees are known to show empathy to a subordinate chimp after he's been pummeled by a dominant male.  I guess it's because most of us lose some battle every day (or that we are just waiting our turn) that we pick up the defeated.  I think it's because we hope someone will do the same for us when it's our turn.  And while we love winners, and empathize with losers, there's one thing our culture will not tolerate:  quitters.

In elementary school, all the students participated in a track and field day every Spring.  Our gym teacher (a really good man, btw) made us t-shirts that read, "I'm not a loser because I'm not a quitter."  I felt pretty bad for the kid who had to quit running because of his severe asthma.  Loser.  Or as Ace Ventura would say: "Lahoo-zaherrrr,"

It's funny, but I've seen people fired from jobs for negligence, incompetence, and even for embezzlement and get generous severance packages, recommendations, or at least unemployment benefits.  Quit a job and you usually get nothing.  And that employment gap in your resume can become painfully suspect to an interviewer. "You quit your job? Hmmm."  All the while thinking, "You must be a loser."

The Bible teaches us to be persistent:

To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life.

Romans 2:7

I'm trusting the Bible on that one.  I personally believe persistence is the number one trait for success here on Earth, hands down.  Probably the number one trait for sales and business success, to be sure.  But there comes a time when quitting is the right thing to do. But when and why?  And how should we quit a job, a friendship, or even a marriage or betrothal?

I've quit on a few organizations and people in my life.  I've severed some relationships with friends, resigned from jobs, and ended commitments.  Some I did well, many I did not.  Some I regret, some I do not.  I cannot speak definitively about properly quitting, but there are some things I've learned from my experiences.

I've found in my life there are two key components to quitting that determined my degree of regret.  There's the why I quit and the how I quit.  The why, in my experience, isn't as nearly as important a factor in regret as is the how. The how seems to matter a lot.

There's a scene in the Christmas Story where Joseph learns that his fiance is pregnant …

Matthew 1:19 Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a public example, was minded to put her away privily.

There are a couple of more common theories out there on what Joseph was thinking:

1) Joseph thought that Mary's fidelity was in question, but he was unwilling to expose her to public example so he decided to end their relationship privately.

2) Joseph knew she was pure and therefore was the virgin spoken of in Isaiah 7:14 and that he would be unworthy to take her as his wife, and so decided to end his relationship with her privately.

Regardless of his motive for ending their relationship, Joseph, being a just and righteous man, planned to end their relationship privately, without fanfare or drama, and with her good reputation preserved.  Regardless of his "why," Joseph planned to leave her well.

My greatest regrets have been those times that I have not ended my relationship and preserved the dignity and reputation of the person or organization I left.  There is something "just and righteous" about leaving well whether you've assumed the best or the worst in those you leave.