The Mouse Trap Game

Back in the '70s I loved to play the game, Mouse Trap.  Little did I know, that Mouse Trap was really a Rube Goldberg machine: an overly engineered device or system (usually involving a chain reaction) used to accomplished a simple task.  I can't begin to tell you the rules of the Mouse Trap Game because I don't think I ever played the game; my friends and I just opened the box and built the machine as fast as we could.  We were mesmerised as we watched the chain of intricate events that began with the turn of a crank and ended with a red, plastic cage dropping on an unsuspecting plastic mouse.  When the device worked it was amazing to behold!  But often, a piece of the contraption would be a little bit out of alignment, or a rubber band would break, or someone would accidentally bump the table sending the little diver guy off his perch and into the barrel prematurely.  But we'd keep assembling and adjusting and fixing (sometimes for over an hour) until it finally worked.

Trap the mouse. 

Such a simple goal; such a complicated process.

Have you ever set out to accomplish a simple task and found later that you've assembled an apparatus that possesses the same complexity and the absurdity of the Mouse Trap Game?  I do this all the time - at work, at home and even in my spiritual life.  I build an elaborate interconnected network of people and meetings and forms and approvals and devices and passwords and reports.  So much complexity with much opportunity for failure along the way … and then I wonder, "Why am I so busy?  And why didn't I accomplish what I set out to do?"

I've been blessed to have had some great leaders, coaches, and mentors in my life that have helped me find ways to weed out complexity and get to the core of what I desire to really do.  It involves asking myself two questions:

1)  What do I really want to accomplish?
2)  Is there a simpler, more direct way for me to get that done?

• Do I want to host a company picnic or do I want to strengthen our team?

• Do I want to join a gym or am I trying to feel better?

• Do I want to pray fifteen times a day or do I want to become closer to God? 

The Mouse Trap Game happens when I lose focus on what I'm really trying to accomplish and I let the pathway to the goal, become the goal itself.

Rocky Road, Red Giants, and Lemon Jello

I love ice cream and I always have - pretty much any flavor - as long as it contains some form of chocolate.  As a size "husky" youngster, my proclivity to eat Rocky Road was evident to all.  It was this affinity that made the prospect of having my tonsils and adenoids removed a more than acceptable risk.  You see, my family told me weeks before that the procedure would not only stop my persistent sore throat, but that that the recovery plan included the hospital feeding me unlimited ice cream.

And so there I was, six years old, lying in a hospital bed with my tonsils freshly removed.  It was terrible.  But, as I lingered in pain, I took comfort in the knowledge that I would soon be rewarded.  I awaited with great anticipation.  I sat up excitedly as the nurse walked into my room with a covered tray in her hands.  I imagined a mountain of frozen dairy delights hiding underneath.  My mouth watered as she smiled and slowly lifted the lid ... revealing … Jello … lemon Jello.

"I'm sorry honey, this hospital doesn't serve ice-cream for tonsillectomies," my mother said, "Dairy products cause mucus formation and vomiting. And that could tear the stitches in your throat."

I began to cry inconsolably.

My father, realizing my deep disappointment left the room and went out in search of a present he could give me to lessen the blow.  He returned a few hours later and presented me with a long, narrow box.

"A milkshake machine?" I thought, "Nope. Too long and too thin."

I opened it and was puzzled; there were pictures of planets, moons, and stars on the box.  And then I realized - it was a telescope!  How wonderful and unexpected! My father and I set it up right then and there and we began looking out my window into the rooms of other patients in the hospital.  It was great fun.

When I returned home I used my telescope incessantly.  I looked at objects near and far during the day.   I used it as a microscope to look at ants.  I used its cross-hair viewfinder to play Army Ranger.  But nights were the best.  At night, I would put on my coat, go outside, and gaze for hours at the thousands of luminous objects that adorned the winter skies of Southwest Michigan.

I started looking at the moon at first because it was easy to locate.  I later identified the planets, Venus and Mars. But the stars were my favorite.  So beautiful.  So powerful.  I began to study and learn about stars.  I learned that stars have a life-span and that our own Sun would someday die.  I learned that stars generate the elements that build our Universe and that there are many sizes and types of stars:  red and blue giants, yellow and white dwarfs, pulsars, … neutron stars. I was awed and captivated by it all.


That day in the hospital, I found myself very disappointed because I didn't get what I had been expecting.  But God had better things in mind for me.  He took that moment of disappointment and used it to give me something different, something more than I could have anticipated, something better.

Emerson wrote:

“If the stars should appear one night in a thousand years, how would men believe and adore; and preserve for many generations the remembrance of the city of God which had been shown! But every night come out these envoys of beauty, and light the universe with their admonishing smile.”

I will never lose my sense of wonder nor my fascination with stars.  And yes, every night they will be there for us.  Every single night.

Decisions, Decisions ...

We are faced with choices every day.  We have decisions to make about how we live, which path we will take, and how we will lead or influence those God has placed in our care.  As I've grown older, my  experiences have shown me that my choices not only affect me, but also other people.  There are consequences (good or bad) to everything I do.  So, as best I can, I want to make choices that are good for me, my family, and the many others who have to live in the wake of my decisions.

So, how do I make good decisions that produce the most positive outcomes?  I've learned there are three questions I need to ask myself to give me the best chance:

Question 1:  Is it legal?

Huh? I know that sounds funny because it seems so obvious.  But I'm surprised at how often I hear about good-intentioned people doing illegal things.  Sometimes they may not have known that what they've done is legal or not.  So, if you don't know, it's probably a good idea to find out before you move forward.  A good rule:  If it's not legal, it's probably better to choose a different path.

Question 2:  Is it right?  

Just because something is legal, doesn't mean it's right.  Prostitution is perfectly legal in some parts of our country, but I'm guessing that very few Christ-followers would think prostitution is right.  The sub-question here is, "What would God say about this?"  The Bible offers enormous clarity on how God views our behaviors.  The Holy Spirit guides us.  Almost always, we just know in our gut what the right thing is to do.  

Question 3:  Is it wise?

This is a biggie.  Sometimes our decisions can be perfectly legal, morally right (or neutral), but unwise.  Wisdom was so important that when God told Solomon to ask Him for anything he wanted, Solomon said:

7 “Now, Lord my God, you have made your servant king in place of my father David. But I am only a little child and do not know how to carry out my duties. 8 Your servant is here among the people you have chosen, a great people, too numerous to count or number.9 So give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong. For who is able to govern this great people of yours?”

I Kings Chapter 3

Wisdom is an illusive prey, but crucial for good decision-making and fostering positive outcomes for people.   

I visualize of the three question as three circles.  The place where the circles overlap, is the most likely place that the decision will be sound.  Many choices can be made that are legal, fewer that are both legal and right, and fewer still that are altogether legal, right, and wise.  But if we can make decisions that are all three of these, with God's help, I think we have a pretty good shot of getting things right.

A Slice of Workday Pie

I don't know about you but I spend a lot of time at work, over half my waking day (which means most of my conscious life) at my job.  What we do for our work is part of God's plan for us.  Our work helps us move through life as beings created in His Image.  So what we do for a living, and even more importantly, how we do it, really matters.  I've been thinking a lot about my work these days and trying to decide the best way for me to do my work well.  Here are some activities I want to make sure I am doing every day to become better at my job: 

Learning
I've found I need to spend regular and intentional time learning, whether that's through traditional educational pathways (like college or trade school) or through books, articles, videos, social, or other online content.  (I've been amazed at what's available from a variety of teachers who share what they know online for free).  I  also learn from spending time in community with others in my profession.  This can be facilitated by attending seminars and trade shows or just going out to lunch with a colleague. There are many ways to learn and regardless of your learning style, time spent on education is time well spent.

Planning
I do pretty a pretty good job of improvising or "thinking on my feet," but I find I'm at my best when I have a plan for the day, the week, the month.  First, because it helps me prioritize the things that matter most.  In the whirlwind of a busy day, I can quickly find myself doing a lot of good things, but not always the best things.  Carving out the first 15-20 minutes of my day to determine the most productive route can make all the difference.  Second, planning my day helps me measure my progress.  I feel better when I know I am productive.  If I don't have a clearly defined plan, it's possible that I will end my day without a feeling a strong sense of accomplishment.

Doing
OK, this sounds funny, but I know a lot of people who don't actually do much work.  Do you work with anyone like this? Sometimes these people "delegate" work using their persuasive personality, or they play the "I don't understand this, can you help me?" sympathy card and someone else ends up handling it.  I had a mentor call that activity, "shuckin', jivin',and high-fivin'?"  You know, I've found that some people actually enjoy figuring out how to do as little as possible and get paid for it.  If you've seen the movie "Office Space," you've watched the main character try "to live out his dream of doing nothing" in a pretty funny way!  But the truth is, I believe most people really want to do good work.

Doing the work is a great place to spend most of your time. The work is where the rubber meets the road, where promises are fulfilled, and where what's on paper becomes reality.  Doing the work is where I gain the deepest understanding of my vocation.  The work is where I get to serve others.  My personality makes me prone to want to sit down for a coffee with a colleague to theorize and dream and pontificate, but doing the work is where I find I get the most satisfaction.  It just feels good.  However, like any of the other areas "doing" too much can pull you way off track.  In fact, I would say that overdoing leads to decay.  If you're working too much to keep learning, you're working yourself right out of a job.

Evaluating and Improving
After I've gotten the work done, I should evaluate it.  Was the customer happy?  Was the company happy?  Am I happy with the outcome?  If I'm working within the context of a team, a retrospective session after a project is a great way to figure out which things could have been done differently and which things should be repeated.  In our frantically paced workplace, evaluation is often overlooked to get on to the next project.  Of course, without evaluation, it is pretty difficult to improve, at least not improve proactively or reliably.  And who doesn't want or need to improve?

Sharing
I think we have a moral imperative to share with others, to a degree, the things we've learned.  The open-source movement will attest to this.  I would bet that just about every one of us uses and benefits daily from a service or product that someone gave away for free.  How you choose to share what you've learned is largely up to you.  There's a myriad of ways:  blogging, social media groups, You-Tube videos, pubic speaking, writing books and trade articles, or even mentoring an inexperienced co-worker.  All of these activities add value - and not just to other people - but to yourself.  You want to really learn a subject?  Just commit to teach, write, or lecture about it.

Innovating
This is time spent dreaming about something new and different and better for your industry or your company.  This is one of my favorite parts of work.  There have been times in my career where I've been paid to do a lot of this and that was pretty cool.   But honestly, even if innovation is not part of your job description, do it anyway. You have something to add, a unique perspective, and a wonderfully creative mind.  No one looks at problems and opportunities in the exact way you do.

I'm sure there are some things I've missed, but hopefully these areas cover most of the high-level activities I do at work.  The trick is making sure I give time to these activities in the appropriate measure.  I think our natural tendency is to give our time to those areas we like doing the most, which is great, but is can be problematic.  It's a pretty basic concept, but one I think it's worth stating, that time for work is finite and if I'm spending all my time planning, I won't have enough time left to do the work.  Likewise, if I spend all my available time doing the work, I have no time to innovate, plan, etc.  I thought I would make a chart of where I think I should be spending my time.  It's not done yet, but this is my best guess for my workday in a good ol' pie chart:


I'm sure the size of the pieces of my workday pie will changeover time and in various vocational seasons, but I think that regardless of their size, none of the pieces should ever go away completely.

En Passant

When I was a 5th-grader, my best friend Tom taught me how to play chess.  Tom was very patient with me as he showed me how all the pieces moved and taught me the basic rules. Tom gave me and understanding of the fundamentals.  At first, Tom beat me every time we played.  But over time, I got better, and eventually I played well enough to win every now and then. 

In college, I had a friend named Dave, who was a really strong chess player.  His father was a physics professor and was only a few points away from being an Expert Chess Player (1800 club.)  Dave learned the game from years of playing against his father.  Dave destroyed me game after game.  But through all of that chess board carnage, I got better.  Dave taught me about strategy.  Later, I played all kinds of people in my dormitory and it was great fun.  And yes, I even won a few times.

But over the years, the person I loved playing the most was my brother-in-law.  He's a great guy and a great family man and one of the most competitive people I've ever met.  He's one of those people you love to beat because you know how much he hates to lose.  I'm the same way; I am very competitive.  I remember one particular game we played where I was feeling very confident I had won.  I could see it - just a few moves away … and then, it happened.

I moved my pawn two spaces forward in what I believed was a perfectly safe move, and then my brother-in-law causally said, "en Passant" and took my pawn.

"En Pa-what?" I asked.

"You know, 'En Passant.'  It means 'in passing'.  When you move your pawn like that, I get to take it.  It's a special rule,  En passant."

"Well that's a bunch of malarkey!" I said, "I've never heard of that. What are you trying to pull?"

"It's just a rule …it's a real rule, Butch."

"Well I've never heard of it," I said curtly.

I was mad because  I thought my brother-in-law had pulled a fast one.  His so-called "En passant" meant I would lose the game.  I left his home that day feeling pretty upset about it.

Well, it turns out there is a move in chess called, "En passant."  It's fairly rare, but it is perfectly legal.  My brother-in-law was right.  He had legitimately beaten me and I had helped him do it.  It turned out that through all my years of playing,  I had never been taught, nor had I taken the time to learn all the rules of the game.  Even though I had outplayed my opponent, I had been undercut by my lack of knowledge.  And while I had mastered the fundamentals, learned the strategy, and was actually playing and winning games, I had allowed myself to become precariously vulnerable.  I think the thing that troubled me most was that I didn't know that I didn't know.  I didn't know there was more for me to learn, that there were finer details that could mean the difference between winning and losing.

Rules come in many forms depending on the game you happen to be playing.  In business, failure to know and follow the rules can result in fines and lawsuits.  In social settings, breaking the rules can result in being ostracized.  In criminal law, ignorantia juris non excusat.  Regarding the Faith, God tells us that ignorance has consequences:

Hosea 4:6:  "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge …" 

I work in the Information Technology industry and I am perpetually surrounded by people much smarter than me.  Every day I am reminded of just how much I do not know.   I am a firm believer that regardless of your I.Q. or your years of experience, there's always room to learn more.  I've learned that unless I am intentional about seeking the areas of my ignorance,  and taking the time to fill those voids, I will become just another piece sitting on the side of the game board captured En passant.

Simply Content

I was speaking with a good friend, a prominent realtor in our area - she's helped us purchase our current home and a few others.  She said, "I know you write a blog. Have you ever considered writing about your move from a financial perspective?  It's starting to feel like 2005 again.  People are buying homes and moving into places that are really expensive.  Don't get me wrong, I make money when this happens, and that's good, but I think people are behaving like they will have jobs and money forever."

I can understand why.  Things are looking really good today.  Wow!  Look at the stock market!

And it looks like it's a really good time to buy a house.  Look how low home prices are!

And take a look at these interest rates!  Holy Schmoly!

Perhaps it is a great time to buy a house or a bigger, nicer one than the one you live in today.  My wife and I have purchased 7 homes in our 23 years together.  Some moves were due to corporate moves, some due to care requirements for our son, and others were just our desire to have a nicer home than we had before.  We've leaned a few things along the way I thought I would share.  They're pretty obvious, so don't laugh at me.  These were things we didn't realize at one point or another.

1)  Homes are not "great" investments.  Oh, sure there have been times when the housing market has soared and people made big bucks selling their houses.  But if your like us, you live in the house you own and the truth is, the price of a home today costs as much as it did in the 17th century.  Homes generally appreciate at 0.2%.  So, you're probably not beating inflation if you are using this as a retirement savings mechanism.

2)  The home mortgage interest deduction is awesome but it may not be around forever.  There are some huge tax benefits to owning home and carrying a big mortgage.  If you itemize your deductions,you can deduct mortgage interest and real estate taxes from your federal return.  Being a fiscal conservative, I generally don't support government subsidies of industries, and yes, I believe this is a subsidy to the housing industry.  Some have estimated that this deduction adds $70 - 100B to the US budget deficit annually.

3) Selling, buying, and moving is really expensive.
Commissions - If you're going to use realtor to sell your home (and you probably should) you'll pay about 6% of the sales price in commissions.  The average home price in 2010 was $272,000 - so that's $16,320.00 that will come out of the proceeds of your sale.

Closing Costs - When you buy that new $272,000 average-priced home, you can estimate that you'll somewhere between 2-5% in closing costs.  Let's say 3% for this example.  That means $8,160 is what you'll spend to get that next house.

Moving Expenses - I think my company once paid over $10,000 to pack and move my family and our possessions to a city only 2 hours away. While you can pay much less by moving yourself, there are still a lot of costs:  rentals, packing, gas, time, and of course, making the "big ask" of your friends and family:  "Hey … uh, Bob … what are you doing this weekend? You … you want to come over?"

4) Cash is King - If you don't have 20% to put down on your new home, I strongly recommend you ask yourself if you can really afford it.  Putting down 20% is really hard.  That means for our average $272,000 home, you'll need $54,400.00.  Otherwise, you'll be paying private mortgage insurance (PMI) which could tack another 0.5% or more onto your rate.  So, that 4.5% interest rate you got effectively becomes 5% and that can add up to a lot of extra money per year.  For our example, if you put 5% down on our $272,000 average home, you'd pay about $1300 extra per year in PMI.

5) Size Matters - Bigger homes usually mean higher taxes, generally higher heating and cooling bills, higher maintenance, and more time.  In general, more home = more money out the door every month.

Just over a year ago, I wrote  It's Complicated, a post about the unnecessary complexities I had created in my life that were consuming my time, energy, and financial resources.  Since then, we've sold our home and given up many of our possessions.  We bought, remodeled, and moved into a significantly smaller house.  I can't lie to you; it's been painful.  Moving is one of the top stressors in life.  The disruption in routine alone can make you crazy.

After all this negative talk, I have to say that I don't think there's anything wrong with living in a large and luxurious house if you can afford to do so.  But sometimes I wonder if, in their quest for larger or better house, people are really looking for something else.

I'm learning the hard way that houses aren't necessarily the same things as homes.  I think we all should live in a good home.   To me good homes are about, family, friends, love, good times, growing up, growing old, laughter, tears, warmth, safety, security, a place to rest. Those things can happen in a variety of settings from glorious mansions to dilapidated shacks.

I guess, in the end, I am trying to learn to be simply content with what I have today.

Philippians 4:11-12-

Not that I speak from want; for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.

Carrots, Sticks, Persuasions, and Manipulations

As a salesperson and marketer, much of my job involves moving others to action.  In short, I'm paid to get people to say, "yes" to my requests.  You probably do too, at least in some way.  If you're an HR director, you might say or do things in order to get that promising new recruit to join your company.  If you're a line supervisor, there's probably been a few times you've asked people to stay late or work harder.  If you're sitting across the table from me as a buyer, you are probably remunerated if you can get me to say, "yes" to your request for a lower price for my company's services.  If you're a stay-at-home parent, getting your 2-year-old to start using the toilet might eliminate the cost of diaper bills.

Getting others to say, "yes" to your personal requests is called persuasion.  There are proven psychological principles associated with persuasion.  These include:

• Reciprocity:  People to whom you give a gift, feel inclined to give you one back.
• Scarcity:  People want what you offer when they think there is not enough to go around.
• Authority:  People will respond to you if they believe you are a knowledgeable, credible expert.
• Consistency:  People want to be consistent in their behavior, so small actions lead to larger ones.
• Liking:  People say, "yes" more often to people they like than to those they don't.
• Consensus:  People look to the behavior of others to determine their own behavior.

Here's a great video that explains these principles (12 min:)  The Science of Persuasion

In his book, Start with Why  Simon Sinek describes what he calls "manipulations" used by companies to get people to buy their products and services:

• Price: Companies lower their prices to get people to buy.
• Promotions: Companies offer deals and incentives.
• Fear: Companies create or exacerbate fear and uncertainty to move people to action.
• Aspirations:  Companies offer things people desire to become.
• Peer Pressure - "4 out of 5 dentists recommend …"
• Novelty (Innovation):  New equals better.

I've experienced persuasions and manipulations from organizations and individuals.  Perhaps you have, too.  Some of these have been carefully planned and crafted to alter my behavior, but most have been far less intentional.  Persuasion (and a little manipulation) happens as a natural part of human interaction.  For me, that's mostly OK - it's not a relational deal-breaker by any means.  I would rather live in a society that utilizes persuasion and manipulation as a social control mechanism than one that relies on coercion.  (That is, in a "the carrot or the stick" scenario, I prefer the carrot.)

I want positive change in my life and often that requires some form of help from others.  But when I look back at the times I've been persuaded, manipulated, or even coerced, the results have been short-lived.  I revert back to my old tendencies once I've figured out that a tactic has been used.  For me, if you want me to do something that changes my behavior for good, that gets me "All-In," that makes me your loyal advocate, you'll need to inspire me.

The Beauty of Distance

Some things are better kept at a distance.  When I look at the moon and the stars from my back porch, I stand mesmerized by their beauty.  The moon is over 230,000 miles away, and the nearest star almost 4.24 light-years.  From my back yard, these glowing orbs are the magnificent creations of God, but if by some magical means I could be teleported to their surfaces, I would be instantaneaously obliterated by their climes.  Some things that are beautiful from a distance are deadly up close.  Ask Icarus.

Other things are far less obvious, and much less extreme.  Here's the famous painting, Arnolfini and his Bride by Renaissance painter Jan van Eyck:

From a distance, (6 feet) I would consider this paining "not too shabby." But when I view this painting from 6 inches away, I am captivated.  When I get closer, I notice more and more depth, precision, craftsmanship, detail, thoughtfulness.  Just look at the little mirror in the background!:

Here's another beautiful and famous painting, Impression, soleil levan, by the French impressionist Claude Monet: 

But when I look at it closely, when I stand inches away, there just doesn't seem to be very much to it; there's just not that much there:

In fact, if you were to show me only this portion of the painting, I would say, "Oh, yeah … I've got one of those … on my refrigerator.  My kid made it in 2nd grade art class."

Have you ever experienced this in your relationships?  Are there people in your life who, when you get to know them up close and personal, just seem less beautiful than they did when you viewed them from afar?

I ask that you not hear a judgement in those questions.  I realize that it is my proclivity to be judgmental of others especially when I finally get close enough to them to be within what CS Lewis might call their "inner ring."  That can sometimes manifest in the following statements:

"She's so shallow."
"He's not very deep."
"He's full of himself."
"Narcissist."
"They are not truly spirit-led."

As much as I would like to say that I am good judge of fine art, I am not.  And as much as I would like to think I am a good judge of character or of another's motives, I am not.  In fact, I am incapable of judging another's heart.  This is an area that is reserved for God alone.

Beauty is God's reflection regardless of the composition of the mirror.

So then perhaps it is best that I place myself at the relational distance where I can enjoy the maximum amount of God's beauty others reflect.  For some, that will mean standing light-years away in awe.  For others, it will mean walking right next to them, hand-in-hand for eternity.

Loyalty or "Coming Down from the Mile High High"

Since watching the devastation of the Denver Broncos at the hands of the Seattle Seahawks during this year's Super Bowl, I've been thinking about of the concept of loyalty.  There were many disappointed Peyton Manning fans as well as  Denver Broncos fans who felt let down.  I'm sure some of them will be fans no longer.  The humiliation of the slaughter was just too great for them to allow themselves to fall victim to the charm of Manning's arm or the high of Mile High Stadium ever again.  But my guess is that Bronco turncoats are few, and that the vast majority of Peyton and Denver fans will remain steadfast and true.  That is, they remain loyal to their team and its leader.

Loyalty is one of the more interesting traits of the human psyche.  Most consider loyalty a virtue, but a virtue with moral limits.  I look back to those to whom I have given my loyalty:  my God, my family, my country, my church, my friends, my leaders, my school, my teams.  Curiously, my loyalty is most often extended to those who are aligned with my belief set or my experiences. As such, my loyalty is very personal in nature.  For instance, I am loyal to the God referred to in the Bible as Yahweh, not Baal;  my family, maybe not yours;  the United States, not Iraq; the friends I know, and not necessarily your friends, etc.

Most leaders desire the loyalty of their followers and with good cause.  It can be argued that the more loyal your people, the greater the mark of your leadership, and also, the more they are willing to give for you and for your cause.  For that reason, loyalty might be considered a leadership Super Bowl Championship Ring.  Here are some things I've learned about leadership and loyalty:

• Loyalty cannot be mandated.
• Loyalty cannot be purchased.
• Loyalty is best earned steadily and gradually over time.
• Loyalty is not easily transferred. 
• Loyalty is decreased at a faster rate than it is increased.
• The existence of loyalty cannot be proven or measured unless it is tested by adversity. 
• Your loyalty is a personal gift that can only be given by you.
• When people support you or your organization out of their loyalty alone, their loyalty at that time is diminishing.

I would suggest that loyalty of people is one of the greatest assets a leader or an organization can possess, a precious resource that must be stewarded with the greatest care. To witness the loyalty of others can in full display can not only be rewarding but also intoxicating.  Because of this, summoning the loyalty of others has the potential for abuse.  Leaders and their organizations sometime forget that loyalty is a by-product of great leadership, not the goal of great leadership.

Winners, Losers, and Quitters

My wife tells me that I should have been a lawyer; not because I have a deep longing for justice or because I feel ennobled by participating in the legal process; it's simply because I like to win arguments.  It's true. I like to argue. But mostly, I like to win. 

I don't think I'm alone. Our culture is winning addicted. We love winners. We pay winners big money.  We say things like, "Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing." Or as Ricky Bobby would say, "If you ain't first, you're last." I live close to South Bend, Indiana, home of The University of Notre Dame.  If the Fightin' Irish are losing, there's a stench in the air so strong you can taste it.  If they're winning, everyone walks around here with perma-grin.

In most sports, there can be only one winner. My friend, who was a fierce competitor in sales contests, would laugh at me and say, "Butch, second place is first loser," and then he'd go off on some fabulous trip to the Bahamas while I looked for a place on my counter to put my second-prize toaster oven.

The Olympics are a little different, having three tiers of winners, I've heard it said that Olympic Silver Medalists are the most disappointed because they've come so close to the Gold.  Bronze medalists realize that they probably couldn't have won, so they are grateful for any medal at all, grateful to be recognized.  Only a Silver?  Only second-best in the world?  For shame.

As bad as it is to be a loser, our culture still seems to stand next to them.  We are taught to shake hands  with the losing team and to win gracefully.  We so often pick the fallen off the ground, I think it's in our DNA to show empathy toward losers.  Communities of chimpanzees are known to show empathy to a subordinate chimp after he's been pummeled by a dominant male.  I guess it's because most of us lose some battle every day (or that we are just waiting our turn) that we pick up the defeated.  I think it's because we hope someone will do the same for us when it's our turn.  And while we love winners, and empathize with losers, there's one thing our culture will not tolerate:  quitters.

In elementary school, all the students participated in a track and field day every Spring.  Our gym teacher (a really good man, btw) made us t-shirts that read, "I'm not a loser because I'm not a quitter."  I felt pretty bad for the kid who had to quit running because of his severe asthma.  Loser.  Or as Ace Ventura would say: "Lahoo-zaherrrr,"

It's funny, but I've seen people fired from jobs for negligence, incompetence, and even for embezzlement and get generous severance packages, recommendations, or at least unemployment benefits.  Quit a job and you usually get nothing.  And that employment gap in your resume can become painfully suspect to an interviewer. "You quit your job? Hmmm."  All the while thinking, "You must be a loser."

The Bible teaches us to be persistent:

To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life.

Romans 2:7

I'm trusting the Bible on that one.  I personally believe persistence is the number one trait for success here on Earth, hands down.  Probably the number one trait for sales and business success, to be sure.  But there comes a time when quitting is the right thing to do. But when and why?  And how should we quit a job, a friendship, or even a marriage or betrothal?

I've quit on a few organizations and people in my life.  I've severed some relationships with friends, resigned from jobs, and ended commitments.  Some I did well, many I did not.  Some I regret, some I do not.  I cannot speak definitively about properly quitting, but there are some things I've learned from my experiences.

I've found in my life there are two key components to quitting that determined my degree of regret.  There's the why I quit and the how I quit.  The why, in my experience, isn't as nearly as important a factor in regret as is the how. The how seems to matter a lot.

There's a scene in the Christmas Story where Joseph learns that his fiance is pregnant …

Matthew 1:19 Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a public example, was minded to put her away privily.

There are a couple of more common theories out there on what Joseph was thinking:

1) Joseph thought that Mary's fidelity was in question, but he was unwilling to expose her to public example so he decided to end their relationship privately.

2) Joseph knew she was pure and therefore was the virgin spoken of in Isaiah 7:14 and that he would be unworthy to take her as his wife, and so decided to end his relationship with her privately.

Regardless of his motive for ending their relationship, Joseph, being a just and righteous man, planned to end their relationship privately, without fanfare or drama, and with her good reputation preserved.  Regardless of his "why," Joseph planned to leave her well.

My greatest regrets have been those times that I have not ended my relationship and preserved the dignity and reputation of the person or organization I left.  There is something "just and righteous" about leaving well whether you've assumed the best or the worst in those you leave.